Armed and Dangerous
In comedy monologue from short play Armed and Dangerous, Aunt Gertie sets the record straight on boyfriend her niece Abby has been dating.
Featured Monologue – Armed and Dangerous
AUNT GERTIE: Cause you’re not a real Mullen man!
Abby and Kenny jump up scared. Auntie Gertie appears behind the screen of her downstairs living room window.
Your daddy and your granddaddy and your great-great granddaddy were Mullen men. Nothing ever fazed them. Didn’t matter what!
That time your daddy fell off that tree…had a neck brace on for over a year’s time …not one word..that’s what you called STONE COLD STRENGTH. Crying or dying within, but you..oh, crybaby since the day you were born, Kenneth. I should know, I practically raised ye myself. Drove your mama nuts, you did, with all that wailin’…holy mother..you were somethin’ special alright, not in a good way whatsoever.
Your first day of school was nothin’ short of a nervous breakdown, as if we were taking you to the Siberian prison.
(imitating crying out loud) Waaa! Waaa! Up and down the schoolyard you went. Teachers trying to catch ye like a rooster bolted out o’ the henhouse. You caused a sensation. All the other children started crying. Mayhem Mullen! Surprised it didn’t make the local news with the headline, “Crybaby Mullen Board of Education!” Maybe I’m exaggerating a tinge, but this went on and on and on and on and on.
I watched ye closely. Carrying on throughout grammar school, high school, when you scored a touchdown on the wrong side of the field. Nearly half the town was screaming at ya on that day.
You actually won the game for the opposing team! Who would’ve believed it?! (Beat) And so now, here we are, work, no work, work, no work and now, Kenneth Mullen, you’re on my porch beggin’ for my money.
(To Abby) Whatever do you see in that boy, Abby? I’ll never understand it. Lord have mercy.
- To read the full one-act ePlay Armed and Dangerous find purchase button below:
Monologue Summary
In the dramatic monologue Armed and Dangerous, Aunt Gertie goes on a rant about Abby’s boyfriend Kenny, who she does not like.
- Genre: Comedy
- Length: ~1 Minute
- Monologue Character: Aunt Gertie
- Age Range: Any
- Themes: family
- Best For: Female Comedy Monologues
World of the Play
- Cast Size: 2 women, 1 man
- Characters in Play: Aunt Gertie, Abby, Kenny
- Time Period: Modern
- Synopsis: In the one act play Armed and Dangerous, Abby and Kenny visit Abby’s Aunt Gertie at her home in order to borrow money from her.
FAQ
A: Monologue Blogger has a comedy monologue for an older female character titled Armed and Dangerous.
A: Monologue Blogger has a specific section called 26 Powerful Monologues for Mature Actors which provides acting material from play script for senior performers.
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Monologue Source: Armed and Dangerous
Armed and Dangerous is a comedic one-act ePlay by Joseph Arnone, 2026.
