Easy peasy, Ralph?

“Easy peasy, Ralph?” starts this scene snippet taken from the one-act comedy eplay Grace Period about two roommates during a pandemic.

BURT (sarcastic): Easy peasy, Ralph?

RALPHY: Yeah, not complicated at all.

BURT: What makes you think I would want to go to my mother’s house with you?

RALPHY: Why wouldn’t you, should be the obvious question.

BURT: Because she’s NINETY-FIVE YEARS OLD and if she spends just one day with you, I WILL HAVE TO BURY HER!

RALPHY: That’s terrible the way you say that to me.

BURT: Cause you’re too much too handle Ralph. Listen, just go, go away to who gives a f’ck about anything land, let me work on this stupid movie—

RALPHY: Why don’t you take a break?

RALPH offers BURT the joint.

BURT: I can’t break, there’s deadlines I have to meet.

PHONE RINGS.

(sarcastically) Oh, look who it is…Leopold. I’ll put it on speaker, so you can see what I’m dealing with…

BURT puts phone on speaker.

BURT: Hello?

LEOPOLD (voice): Yesssss, hiya, hiya. How’s going there?

BURT gives Ralph a “see what
I mean” face.

BURT: It’s going good, very good.

LEOPOLD (voice): We finish.

BURT: No, no we, there’s still about a good two weeks of work left, Leopold.

LEOPOLD (voice): We finish.

BURT: …No, I’m only just getting started accumulating all this footage—

LEOPOLD (voice): We finish, we finish.

BURT: …What do you mean?

LEOPOLD (voice): Close.

BURT: Close?

LEOPOLD (voice): We finish, yeah, we close.

BURT: Do you mean the movie is finished?

LEOPOLD (voice): Ah, YES, yes.

BURT: We have a contract.

LEOPOLD (voice): No.

BURT: I still…what happens now?

LEOPOLD (voice): Uhhh, uhhhh—

BURT: Am I getting paid?

LEOPOLD (voice): Oh…(he laughs) Money, money, money. (clears throat) No.

BURT: What?

LEOPOLD (voice): Money, no, money, no. Finish.

LEOPOLD hangs up.

BURT: Hello? Hello? (to RALPHY) You believe this sh’t?

  • To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

Grace PeriodIn this one-act ePlay, Burt and Ralphy are stuck inside their apartment waiting for checks and losing work while bills pile up during a great pandemic.  Serio-Comedy.  2 Men.

Purchase ePlay

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