No flowers, not even a card.
No Flowers, Not Even A Card stems from a one-act comedy play titled Milton’s Plight, wherein a disgruntled man is bitter over his life.
Featured Scene – Milton’s Plight
MILTON: …No compassion! No flowers, not even a card or a word. Nothing! (he squawks) I hope they all burn in hell, in the darkest, most inconsiderate, most intolerable depths of hell…
JOSHUA: …So, no tea then?
MILTON: What do we have?
JOSHUA: We have Irish breakfast, English breakfast—
MILTON: English, English, I’ll have English!
JOSHUA: With honey?
MILTON: Just make the f’kn tea however you make it Josh!
JOSHUA: Nasty b’strd.
JOSHUA exits room.
MILTON: (to himself) Me…nasty. I am a nasty b’strd. Angry as f’k. First my mother, then my job, what’s next? Afraid to ask—
JOSHUA VOICE from kitchen.
JOSHUA: Out of English breakfast, we have IRISH and EARL GREY—
MILTON: (shouting) I’ll take the grey!!
JOSHUA: Earl Grey?!
MILTON: YES, GREY, GREY, EARL GREY!!!
JOSHUA: You don’t have to scream like a lunatic.
MILTON: (to himself) Heart attack, I feel it, I’m going to have a great big heart attack and make sure I sprawl myself all across this ancient living-room rug for all to see. B’strds. Aimless b’strds.
Enter JOSHUA.
JOSHUA: Who are you talking to?
MILTON: What?
JOSHUA: Were you on the phone?
MILTON: I’m talking to the voices I hear in my head.
JOSHUA: Are you really hearing voices in your head?
MILTON: I was talking to myself—do I really have to explain every little thing I do to you. We are getting psychotic!
JOSHUA: Just calm down, tea is on the way.
MILTON: Can’t wait.
JOSHUA sits.
Pause…and then.
JOSHUA: What shall we watch tonight?
MILTON: I don’t want to watch television.
JOSHUA: Why not? We can watch the National Theatre productions online.
MILTON: We can?
JOSHUA: Yeahhh, they’re doing a remake of Frankenstein. Heard it’s terrific!
MILTON: Right.
JOSHUA: So, it will be as if we attended the theatre in our own living-room.
MILTON: Pathetic.
JOSHUA exits room and then…
JOSHUA: Want cookies?
MILTON: Cookies?
JOSHUA: You want?
MILTON: Aren’t they old and stale?
JOSHUA: YEAH?
MILTON: YES! YES!
JOSHUA: How many?
MILTON: (to himself) Is it me?
JOSHUA: What?!
MILTON: THREE!!!
JOSHUA: OKAY!
PAUSE.
JOSHUA enters.
It’s brewing. Here’s your cookies.
JOSHUA hands MILTON cookies on napkin.
- To read the full ePlay Milton’s Plight, find purchase button below:
Scene Summary
In the one-act eplay Milton’s Plight, Joshua tries to get his husband out of his horrific depression and the two go head to head in order to find a happy ending.Â
- Genre: Comedy
- Length: ~5 minute scene
- Characters: 2 men
- Themes: friendship, money
- Best For: 2 men – comedy scenes
FAQ
A: Monologue Blogger has a play titled Half of Nothing wherein a character owes another character money that he borrowed and he can’t give any of it back.
A: Monologue Blogger has a section of drama theater scripts where you can find hundreds of dramatic pieces at Comedy Scenes.
Related Comedy Scenes
Scene Source: Milton’s Plight
Milton’s Plight is a comedy play script by Joseph Arnone, 2026.
