Que and Schelp

In the short comedy/crime script Que and Schelp, a young couple rehearses a scene for a crime they are planning the following day.

Featured Script – Que and Schelp

FADE IN.

INT. MOTEL – AMERICAN SOUTH – DAY

SCHELP and QUE watch TV from bed.

QUE:  Schelp, what time is it?

SCHELP:  I don’t know, look at your phone, why you always bothering me?

QUE:  I’m bothering you by asking you for the time?

SCHELP:  You do it always. Always the little stupid questions you have to go on asking me about, like, ‘where’s the tv remote’ or, ‘Did you see my purse?’ Who does that?

QUE:  I’m always askin’ you cause you always into my sh’t and I don’t want to spend all day looking for my belongings. Stay outta my sh’t and I won’t have to ask you.

SCHELP:  I ain’t never in your things. Don’t accuse me a something that ain’t ever true.

QUE:  I ain’t accusing you of nothing, but the facts, darling. Get your facts straight and we cool.

(pause.)

Schelp goes into her purse.

Hey! Wutch you doin?

SCHELP:  Got any gum? I need something to chew—

QUE:  Told you, you always going through my things!

SCHELP:  Oh…well, got any?

QUE:  Damn idiot, ain’t cha?

SCHELP:  GOT ANY?

QUE:  Nope. I just had the last piece. Still fresh in my mouth if you want it.

Schelp and Que kiss and he takes the gum from her mouth into his.

Why you such a damn knucklehead for?

SCHELP:  I dunno.

QUE:  Cutest knucklehead I ever did see.

SCHELP:  …So, we gonna rehearse or not?

QUE:  Again?

SCHELP:  We gotta get it right, don’t we? I almost botched it all up last time.

QUE:  That’s cause you you weren’t in it, darling. You gotta get in it.

SCHELP:  Are we gonna rehearse?

QUE (sighs):  Yeah, okay. Just once or twice cause this is my chill time, which is part of my preparation for tomorrow. I don’t want to overwork it and screw up my flow.

SCHELP:  Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on already.

QUE:  Alright. Start by coming in and I’ll play the man at the counter.

SCHELP:  Okay.

(beat.)

Schelp breathes and then ignites into action ‘as if entering a store’.

SCHELP:  Hello sir! Sir! Sir, there’s a situation. I ran all the way here nonstop about a mile up the road, my girlfriend, she’s pregnant and in labor, my car broke down. Please, please can you help me!

QUE:  That was stupid.

SCHELP:  What?!

QUE:  That didn’t work, Schelp. The story. You need a better story.

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Script Summary

In short serio-comedy/crime script Que and Schelp, a pair of lovers practice their robbery tactics in a motel room, in order to make sure they are prepared to perform a robbery the following day. 

• Genre: Comedy
• Length: ~10 Minutes
• Script Characters: Que, Schelp
• Age Range: Any
• Themes: couple
• Best For: comedy practice, funny scripts, comedic screenplays

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Script Source: Que and Schelp

Que and Schelp is a comedy script by Joseph Arnone, 2025.