The Show

In this comedy skit, VIC is a real life gangster who has created his own personal YouTube Channel, giving lessons to people on how they can be more gangster.  Vic takes his video series very seriously and with great passion.

  • Download the free .pdf screenplay version: The Show

Vic and his assistant Tommy are ‘on set’ getting final things ready before filming a video episode.

Vic: Hey Tommy, you gotta angle the camera a little bit, YEAH, yeah you got it.  Yeah.  And Tommy, Tommy that light ova there, no not that one, not that one either, the, YEAH, that one, that one, put that one—what happened?

Tommy: Burnt my friggin thumb.  Shit.

Vic: You arright?

Tommy: Ahh!  My thumb is all sizzled.  Just gimme a second.

Vic: I tole ya to wear gloves.  Like last time the lighting fell on your head, I tole ya to wear a helmut.  I don’t see no gloves, I don’t see no helmut.

Tommy: What am I supposed to look like a robot ova here or what?  This is your YouTube channel Vic, not the SciFi channel, alright?

Vic: You’re not even in it so what do you care?

Tommy: What do you care what?

Vic: What the are you talking about? You don’t even make sense to me anymore.  Did you burn your thumb or your brain?

Tommy: My thumb is fine.  (adjusts the light stand) Here, is that how you want it?

Vic: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s perfect, that’s perfect.  (beat) No, really, how’s your thumb?

Tommy: My thumb is fine, Vic, really.

Vic: You wanna go rub some Bengay on it.

(Vic laughs)

Tommy: You’re so funny Vic.  Hold on, let me hold my chest for my heart attack cause I’m laughing so hard.

Vic: Go ahead, go get some Bengay.

Tommy: Enough with that.  We gonna start filming or what?  I gotta pick Lorraine up in an hour.

Vic: Yeah, come on let’s go.  We good?

Tommy: You want me to say action like last time?

Vic: What am I paying you for?

Tommy: Action!

Vic: Give me a second.  You gotta have timing.  When I do this with my hair, you say action, arright?

(Vic runs his fingers through his hair)

Tommy: Action!

Vic:  Hello and WELCOME to “HOWTA BE A GANGSTA”…I’m your host VIC BOOMBATS! (pronounced BOOM-BAATS)

OKAY, lisn up cauz, I’m gonna show ya for tadays lesson, howta pipe sombody up.  Arright?  Here we go…

(Vic picks up a pipe and walks over to a plastic dummy)

Ya see dis dummy ova here?  Now pay attention.  When ya hold the pipe, ya gotta hold it wit control, you gotta get a firm grip on da thing or else from da pressure upon impact, you are liable to lose ya hold and dats not a good thing.  Not a good thing, ya hear?

Now pay attention, the best grip is at da bottom wit two hands and then you kinda just let it happen from there…like so.

(Vic hits the dummy in the head a few times)

Now, be careful as not to lose control, you ALWAYS wanna remain in control because if ya lose control its gonna affect ya aim.  Make believe youra baseball playa and ya gotta fastball pitch comin at ya, you gotta use alla ya concentration to make sure ya don’t swing and miss…same theory applies here.  I would say, summon your inner Babe Ruth and for those of you who don’t know the Babe, stop watching my channel this very instant, cause you’re a sin to society.

(Vic hits the dummy again)

(to the plastic dummy) Scumbag.

(back to the video camera)  

That’s dat.  Thank you for watching today’s lesson on ‘Howta Be A Gangsta’, I am your host, VIC BOOMBATS and please don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel or else I will come and find you and pipe you up….haha…I’m only kidding, but really, subscribe, don’t piss me off.

Until next time, KEEP SWINGING!

(beat-Vic stares into the camera frozen)

(To Tommy)

How long I gotta stare at the camera before you yell cut, Tommy?  I’m like a deer in headlights ova here!

Tommy: Shit, I forgot!  Sorry, you wanna do it again or what?

Vic: Again, come on.  That was my Frank Sinatra take.  You know what they called him, right?  One take Frank.  That’s me just like old blue eyes.  I nailed it.  I only needed to give you one.  Let’s pack it up.

Tommy: You sure?

Vic: Did I stutter or what ova here?  Meinga.  Let’s pack it up.

Joseph Arnone

CREATE