Less Soap, More Blood

In comedy script, “Less Soap, More Blood”, Roma is fed up with her acting agent only sending her out on soap commercials.

Less Soap, More Blood

FADE IN.

INT. AGENCY – DAY

ROMA barges into her agent GREGORY’S office.

GREGORY:  Roma! How are you, dear?

ROMA:  Oh, come off it. Don’t give me that happy Roma dear bullsh’t.

GREGORY:  What’s wrong?

ROMA:  You know what’s wrong, Greg. I want to work! I need to work or I’m going to explode out of my mind. I’m sick of these two word, three word lines at these horrible auditions. I can’t even get a full sentence nowadays! Am I not good enough for a full sentence at an audition?!

GREGORY:  Obviously, you’re upset.

ROMA:  Upset!! I’m angry! I’m angry, Greg. We’ve been working together for two years! Two years and all you send me out on are soap commercials.

GREGORY:  Even Ingmar Bergman, one of the most revered filmmakers of all time made soap commercials during his career.

ROMA:  You think comparing me to some great foreign director is going to somehow make me feel ecstatic about doing a soap commercial?!

GREGORY:  Well, to be honest…if you can just calm down and give me a second. I have some interesting news to tell you.

ROMA (calming):  Interesting news?

GREGORY:  To be honest, I was just about to call you and tell you. It may not be the greatest news you wish to hear right this instant, but your ears must have been ringing—

ROMA:  Just spit it out before I die from suspense.

GREGORY:  Well…I received a call today… and, as it turns out…there’s a director who wants to cast you in something but, before you get crazy, let me just say it’s a wonderful opportunity, he’s a good director, his short film just got into Sundance.

ROMA:  Greg…tell me what it’s for, right now.

GREGORY:  …It’s for a soap commercial.

ROMA (simmering):  A what?

GREGORY (clears his throat):  A soap commercial.

ROMA:  I see.

GREGORY:  Roma, dear, let me put this into perspective for—

ROMA:  Gregory, can I ask you a question?

GREGORY:  Sure.

ROMA:  Okay. Is my work as an actress going to consist of being literally a soap star?

Beat.

I have five different soap brands sending me free boxes of their products to my home each month. I have enough soap to cleanse all of Hollywood for an entire year.

GREGORY:  I know, I know, but if you take this gig, it will be good for you.

ROMA:  For you! It will be good for you!

  • To read the full eScript, purchase link below:

Less Soap More Blood by Joseph ArnoneIn the short comedy script, “Less Soap, More Blood”, Roma barges into her agent’s office to rant and rave about how she isn’t going out on any other audition opportunities, other than soap commercials.  1 Woman, 1 Man. Comedy.

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Joseph Arnone

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