We’ll have to come to some arrangement.

In the one-act play Armed and Dangerous, Auntie Gertie will lend out money but not without giving a strong dose of wrath to justify it.

Featured Scene – Armed and Dangerous

Kenny shakes his head in disbelief and looks away off into the distance.

AUNTIE GERTIE: (mocking quietly) What you see in that boy?

ABBY: Oh, he’s alright.

AUNTIE GERTIE: This money’s for you…not HIM, but I expect HIM to pay it back.

Auntie Gertie hands Abby a roll of bills wrapped in a rubber band.

Now you’re armed and dangerous.

Abby gives Auntie Gertie an enormous hug. Auntie Gertie laughs from the love she receives.

Oh, darling, that’s just what Auntie Gertie needs, loads and loads of love.

Auntie Gertie hugs Abby back.

That’s my girl.

They part from hugging.

ABBY: I can’t thank you enough, Auntie.

AUNTIE GERTIE: Oh, it’s alright.

ABBY: Really, we really need this… (She looks over at Kenny for him to chime in.)

Kenny takes a step forward, leaning in.

KENNY: Yes, thanks Auntie Gertie.

AUNTIE GERTIE: That’s alright, Abby dear; you just make sure HE pays it all back in one lump sum, same as I gave it to ya. Nothin’ gets my goat up more than paying me back in drips and drabs like ya did last time, Kenneth. You hear me? I want the whole lot in full back as I gave it out.

KENNY: I understand Auntie.

AUNTIE GERTIE: (taking pity on Kenny) You’re a lost cause, ain’t ya lamb?

KENNY: Who?

AUNTIE GERTIE: I’m starin’ right at ya.

KENNY: I’m not no lost cause.

AUNTIE GERTIE: (explodes with laughter)

KENNY: Got me a job coming up the pike… There’s new work comin’ through and they need some workers for the Millertown renovation.

AUNTIE GERTIE: Is that so?

KENNY: I’ve already been hired, actually; just waitin’ on the start date.

AUNTIE GERTIE: Millertown’s Pub, eh? Ain’t that owned by the Jacobsons?

KENNY: That’s right.

AUNTIE GERTIE: Hmm.

KENNY: Why?

AUNTIE GERTIE: Oh, no nothin’. Just heard that the Jacobsons are out of the money for it.

KENNY: Where’d you hear such a thing?

AUNTIE GERTIE: Hame Jacobson himself told me. Bumped into him at the flea market last Sunday. Said they were goin’ ta..what was the word he used? DISMANTLE the project. Said something about how they were after swindlin’ him. He said he wasn’t to be puttin’ any more money into it. I couldn’t quite follow the rest, nor do I truly care, quite honestly, but I do understand the words dismantle and pub.

KENNY: I’m sure you misheard or misunderstood.

AUNTIE GERTIE: Why’s that?

KENNY: No reason.

AUNTIE GERTIE: Sounds to me like you better keep fishin’ for work. I’ll need that money back.

KENNY: I know it.

AUNTIE GERTIE: And that dent you put on my porch railing is on you.

KENNY: It was already fall–

AUNTIE GERTIE: We’ll have to come to some arrangement. I’m getting tired talking to you. How do you do it, Abby dear? You are a saint!

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Scene Summary

In the one act play Armed and Dangerous, Abby and Kenny visit Abby’s Aunt Gertie at her home in order to borrow money from her.

• Genre: Comedy
• Length: ~5 minute scene
• Characters: 2 women, 1 man
• Themes: family
• Best For: comedy scenes

FAQ

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Scene Source: Armed and Dangerous

Armed and Dangerous is a comedy play script by Joseph Arnone, 2026.