He Goes On These Tirades

“He goes on these tirades” is the first line of dialogue starting this scene excerpt taken from the one-act play script Tirades of Pupeye.

LESTER: He goes on these tirades. Some form of speech or other after he has them pills I give him. Strange. Quite profound actually.

ARCHIE: I’ll say. Shocking, really.


ARCHIE: Never knew he could talk that way.

LESTER: Modern medicine works miracles, even for a flea brain such as Pupeye. But he can do complex math. Did you know that?


LESTER: Aye, aye he can. I put up one of them equations up on th’ board in the kitchen and the f’ckr solved it. This is a guy that doesn’t know how much two plus two is but yet he’s goin’ on solvin’ complex math.

ARCHIE: I don’t believe ya.

LESTER: I’m not puttin’ you on! And he’s been havin’ these philosophy spells, I call them. Out of the blue, really. I attribute it to them pills. Otherwise it’s like talkin’ to a frog on a daily basis.

ARCHIE: We just gonna leave him on th’ floor like that?

LESTER: Leave him be. He usually ends up there anyways on his own account. The floor is his friend.

ARCHIE: (laughs) What a headache you inherited mate.

LESTER: At least he keeps the bugs out of the place. Haven’t had one serious fight in th’ pub since he showed up.

ARCHIE: He comes in handy.

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Tirades of Pupeye by Joseph ArnoneIn the one act serio-comedy eplay Tirades of Pupeye, Lester is a pub owner enjoying a conversation with his friend Archie when Pupeye enters the place.  Pupeye works for Lester but Lester takes care of Pupeye, including making sure he takes his much needed pills.  3 Men.  Comedy/Serio-comedy.

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Joseph Arnone