Focus! Nobody knows how to focus.

In drama eplay, “What Never Was” lead singer Patton is having a meltdown over the terrible album his band is in the midst of recording.

CLAY: Where we at?

PATTON: Where you at?

CLAY: You said seven-thirty, it’s seven-thirty.

PATTON: I f’cking said six-thirty, texted you earlier.

CLAY: My phones acting up.

PATTON: How does a phone “act up”?

CLAY: ‘Cause I didn’t pay my bill, alright? Wanna spot me a hundred, then I’ll get your text messages.

PATTON: F’ck off man, you work. Pay your sh’t on time.

CLAY: F’ck off.

PATTON: And where’s the two-fifty you owe for the sessions?

CLAY: I told you at the next session.

PATTON: I can’t keep carrying you.

CLAY: What’s your problem, Patton?

PATTON: You make more money than all of us, but you’re too busy throwing it around after each gig, so you’re broke. The rest of us keep picking up your slack.

CLAY: Come on man, I always deliver, I’m just delayed this month.

PATTON: Focus! Nobody knows how to focus.

CLAY: I’m going inside to set up.

PATTON: You set us back. I wanted the bass set down first!

CLAY: I’m not a psychic.

PATTON: No sh’t.

REGO: Guys let’s cool down, the recording is going well.

PATTON: It’s not going well. My vocals are off, ’cause this whole sh’t is off.

SERENA exits building. Joins group.

SERENA: Tom’s asking us to get back in there.

PATTON: And f’ck Tom, too. We’re paying the guy for the hour he’s spinning dials, and it’s like he’s using the equipment for the first time.

REGO: Tom’s legit.

PATTON: The guy is half solid. I don’t know how he’s even recorded anybody.

REGO: Nah, trust me, he’s good man, we’re getting a deal.

PATTON: (sighs)

REGO: We don’t have to record vocals now.

PATTON: I don’t want to record the vocals.

REGO: Okay, so, what should we –

PATTON: I don’t want to record the vocals EVER.

SERENA: We have three songs left to record on this album.

PATTON: Album? You call our tracks an album? It sucks. We’re stuck in the 80’s man. We’re lame!

REGO: F’ck are you saying?

CLAY: We’ve spent thousands recording our sh’t.

PATTON: You’ve spent a dollar fifty, Clay. Are we all proud of the sound? Seriously. Are we?

SERENA: I like where it’s been going.

PATTON: All unoriginal. Unoriginal bullsh’t. Imitations of the past. Sounds like our music is trying to be a throwback to a time we all wish still existed, and it’s not coming back. It’s dead. We’re not doing anything new. We’re weaving the same crap everyone out there is weaving; same sh’t, so we can make trend. And that’s gonna expire soon, too! You don’t think people know what’s real? We don’t create anything that comes from that OTHER place. Whatever it is, we don’t have it. And we’re recording here, for what? It doesn’t have real substance! …What’s happened to all of us? We’re like hypnotized zombies. I’m telling you. Playing gigs in these small, sh’tty venues, for like the same bored crowds who attend. We’re average. Average! We’re never going to be serious. I’m sick of myself! LOOK AT ME! Wearing the same crap I was wearing in high school man! I’m faded! I’ve gone extinct. Singing rhymes that no longer buzz…never did anyway. I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t me.

CLAY: I want my money back.

Patton throws a few cash dollars at Clay.

PATTON: You’ve given us enough to buy a coffee, you b’stard!

REGO: Chill, chill, chill. Patton, you’re just blowing off steam dude.

PATTON: No, I’m leaving the band.

  • To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

What Never Was by Joseph ArnoneIn the one-act eplay, “What Never Was” lead vocalist Patton doesn’t want to finish recording the band’s album because he believes it’s tired and lousy music they are creating.  This obviously creates a major stir with all the band members, causing a potential permanent break up.  1 Woman, 4 Men.  Drama.

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Joseph Arnone