Landed On Your Doorstep

In this comedy monologue, MEL has been living at his brother and sister-in-laws house for two years when it was only supposed to be two days.  

Mel:  Hey Billy, hey…how ya been?  (beat)   Ahhhhh shit.  You take good care of me man, I have to say, I have to say it loud…good man!

I know I said I’d be here two days and as it turns out it’s been two years but it’s kind of hard leaving this place cause it’s become home for me.

You and Becky have really, really, really made me feel welcome.  I know I don’t say it much but thank you.  Thank you for letting me live here, eat your food, drink your beer, wash my dirty clothes, allow me to sleep late into the day and smoke my cigarettes late into the night, thank you for your patience and putting up with my slob like manners, my belches and farts, my allergies, I know, I know I have really bad allergies and am sneezing over everything all the damn time but man oh man I love you guys.

You and Becky are the best two things that ever happened to me in my pathetic, useless life.

I know I make no contributions whatsoever and haven’t worked since I landed on your doorstep but hey, I’m a hoot, right?  I know I sure as hell make you guys laugh and shake your heads.  Maybe life would be more mundane if I weren’t around.

(downs entire can of beer in one go and burps ferociously long afterward)

(he crushes and tosses can)

That’s all I’m saying to ya.  (stretches) Gonna go rock a nap.

(he exits)

  • To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

Landed On Your Doorstep

When MEL crashes in on BILLY and BECKY’s life for two years, things finally reach their breaking point.

Joseph Arnone

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