Two crooks show up in a middle of nowhere diner where Quinn works as a busboy and wishes to join forces with them to escape his job. This scene comes from the serio-comedy one-act play, ‘This Side of the Mississippi’.

Schelp looks over Que’s face wound.

QUINN: Hey, can you, uh, can you two be a gang of three?

SCHELP: Gang?

QUINN: Can you take me with?

SCHELP: Oh. Oh now, first thing, we ain’t no gang. We more a dynamic duo, think Batman and Robin or Bonnie and Clyde. We more like official tag team wrestlers.

QUINN: I can be useful.

SCHELP: Useful? We got no use for useful.

QUINN: I can be the look out.

(pause.)

SCHELP: You think this all a game, movie star? …This ain’t no game.

QUINN: I need a change in my life. Been bussing tables for seven years. I’m treated like a peasant. I get no appreciation and everyone thinks I’m dumb but I ain’t dumb, cause I know things. I’m smart! Smart enough to know that you and your lady didn’t come here by chance or maybe it is chance, MY chance and I aim to take my chance. I wanna leave with you two and start a new life. I don’t want to wipe down tables no more. I don’t wanna look at Edie’s bitter face no more. I need a break! I need somebody to give me a chance. Please! Just take my sorry ass with you!

SCHELP: That was some heartfelt movie star sh’t right there fella, but the answer is no.

QUE: Awww, Schelp, honey bear, let him tag along. Teach ’em a thing or two—

SCHELP: I ain’t no teacher type, Princess. You gotta be born to do this sh’t.

QUE: Oh, stop it now. I taught you everything you know.

SCHELP: But I’m a natural, just needed your guidance.

QUE: He might be a natural, too.

• To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

In this one-act play script, Quinn’s entire life gets changed from the encounter of two wild lover criminals, Schelp and Que.

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