Weight in Gold

Serio-comedy monologue, “Weight of Gold” Bill wants to rob Stanley’s apartment to get back the money that’s owed to him.

BILL:  He was out by the corner there, walking his dog. Then a car pulls up; they leave the dog and stuff Stanley in the trunk, never to be seen or heard from again. Meanwhile, his dog takes a sh’t and falls asleep on the curb, as if nothing happened.

I got a guy, one of them psychic readers, who talks to animals. Listen, I had the guy read the dog to find out what happened to Stan. The dog was a witness to the whole thing. Turns out the dog hated Stanley. Hated him! Wouldn’t talk; wouldn’t say anything; the dog refused to reveal what it saw. Alright? The dog turned its back on the whole thing, like nothing happened. Couldn’t get a word out of ’em. Until, you ready? The dog, what’s his name, SPUD..Spud’s got a bad back, alright? Spud wants to make a deal. He says, “Look, take me to a chiropractor, straighten my back out. I’ll tell you what you need to know about Stan.” Alright? The fk’r.

So, not two days ago, I’m driving Spud and the animal reader to the chiropractor to fix the dog’s back. Crack! Crack! Bing! Bang! Spud’s walking around the room two inches taller, wagging his tail. On the drive home, he spills his guts. Everything. Spud’s telling it all. Two fellas put a sack over Stanley’s head, beat the sh’t out of him with a pipe, and tossed him in the trunk. Here…(holds up tooth) See this? I went back to where it happened–right up there on the corner, Stanley’s front tooth. Right in the grass. That’s Stanley’s f’n tooth! Now, what? Where do we go from here? I got the full report. I know who it is, what was said, and why. But no cops. I’m not going to the police ’cause I’m not getting my name involved. In fact, I couldn’t stand Stan. The guy owed me a large stack a coin. I only wanted to know the story. Turns out he borrowed money from Mister Tony and went to the land of the lost.

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Weight in Gold by Joseph ArnoneIn the one-act eplay, “Weight in Gold” Bill talks to his partner Reed about the opportunity for them to rob Stanley’s apartment, but Reed confesses he’s been doing scores with a different guy and because of it their business relationship may come to an end.  2 Men.  Comedy/Drama.

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Joseph Arnone