I love you too, dear, just not in that way.

A comedy scene from the short play Vague Stone for two actors.  Lucy tries to convince Robert to take a short holiday to Miami.

Featured Scene – Vague Stone

ROBERT: I’ve worked years to get good at my craft. It was never about making daddy rich.

LUCY: Daddy?

ROBERT: The other b’strd…Leonard.

LUCY: Leonard has your best interest.

ROBERT: Leonard is a scoundrel. The only reason why he takes my sh*t is because I am bank baby, the minute sales begin to dip, I’m cold fish. I have to make, make, make. (Imitating Leonard.) “You must PRODUCE Robert, PRODUCE.” Why did I ever agree to such rubbish?

LUCY: There’s no point being good at something if you’re not willing to get out into the world. Leonard has helped you reach mainstream.

ROBERT: Yes, but why is everything so calculated? Nothing feels organic, original, nothing delivers on its own timeline. How I long for the days of f’ckery.

LUCY: (Laughs.) And what kind of days were those?

ROBERT: F’ckery days dear. The dilly dallies, the times of…simplicity and even a lining of happiness. What I mean is that there was once a boy from Idaho who came to the Big Apple with dreams of grandeur and who slept on floors and alleyways all in the name of art! Creativity came when it came, inspiration hit when it hit. Not anymore, I’m living in a jailed circus.

LUCY: You need a break.

ROBERT: (Laughing.) There’s no such word, dear.

LUCY: No, no, I have a house on the beach.

ROBERT: You? How?

LUCY: It’s family owned. In Miami. We can leave tonight.

ROBERT: Darling, as inviting as that sounds, we both know that’s an impossibility.

LUCY: Why? You’re the boss, you can do whatever you like.

ROBERT: I can, can’t I?

LUCY: Yes.

ROBERT: On the beach you say?

LUCY: Warm sand, blue waves, martinis.

ROBERT: Oh – just what I need.

LUCY: Massages, sun, dancing, lovemaking.

ROBERT: …We can’t.

LUCY: Terrible.

ROBERT: I know, but this—for once in my life I wish to..to..oh, hell…f’k it, book the tickets, we are leaving for Miami!

Lucy jumps up and down.

ROBERT: Cancel all my meetings for the next week. We’ll have Evan take the reins, he’ll feel ordained and Leon will get the memo.

LUCY: You are a madman.

ROBERT: We’ll leave from Kennedy.

LUCY: Woo-hoo!

ROBERT: What a joy to imagine the look on the faces of everyone who needs me. I am an evil man but to hell with them all. Crying wolves! They won’t ever stop howling at me, the devils. Be gone! Be gone! We will be dancing in the sun.

LUCY: I love you!

ROBERT: I love you too, dear, just not in that way, you know that.

LUCY: Yes, of course.

ROBERT: If I were a straight man, you’d be the twinkle of my eye.

LUCY: We can still make love.

ROBERT: Honey, you really shouldn’t be that desperate. A beautiful young dynamo such as yourself can get good drink from anywhere.

LUCY: You have never…with a woman?

ROBERT: It’s like having sex with your favorite pet.

LUCY: But you’ve tried?

ROBERT: The most horrible experience. Not that I needed confirmation mind you, but no amount of substance abuse could replace the real thing for me. Sorry to disappoint you.

LUCY: I still love you.

• To read the full ePlay Vague Stone find purchase button below:

Scene Summary

In the one act eplay Vague Stone, Robert is not happy with who he has become as a designer in the fashion world.  He confides in his assistant Lucy over his ordeal.

• Genre: Drama
• Length: ~5 minute scene
• Characters: 1 woman, 1 man
• Themes: friendship
• Best For: Comedy Scenes

FAQ

Related Comedy Scenes

• We’ll reset your mindset. – from Asking Price
• Can I confess something to you? – from Waking Hours
• Everything is too damn perfect. – from Blue Skies, Golden Sunshine
• Been meaning to fire him for months. – from Under The Impression
• I was hoping to drown myself in my pool today. – from Buck’s Last Straw

Scene Source: Vague Stone

Vague Stone is a comedy play script by Joseph Arnone, 2026.