I was hoping to drown myself in my pool today.
Rick observes Buck and notices the bulge over his chin. He goes into the icebox and tosses Buck a bag of ice.
Buck applies it to his chin. Rick pours two whiskeys.
RICK: A lamp?
BUCK: A f’cking lamp! Boom! Across my chin..the crunch, like broken bone, something feels loose when I touch it, like I can move something around in there. When I talk it moves.
RICK: What moves?
BUCK: A loose bone.
RICK: Chipped bone?
BUCK: Been moving my chin around like a cow ever since.
RICK: Then what happened?
BUCK: I f’cking grabbed her and growled. Spit and snot poured out of me and then I cried…
RICK: …You what?
BUCK: I cried.
RICK: You cried.
BUCK: I f’cking cried. I could have crushed her. I wanted to dismantle her, but I couldn’t bring myself to act on my hatred. I wanted to kill her, in that moment, I wanted to eat her alive.
RICK: You should sit.
Rick passes Buck the joint. Buck hits it and passes it back.
BUCK: Eh.
RICK: You grabbed her, you growled, you cried. Then what?
BUCK: I puked. I fainted. I ran to come here..drove as fast as my car could go, almost flew off Mulholland on that stupid turn, but I made it. I’m here.
RICK: You’re here.
BUCK: I’m here.
RICK: …Coffee?
Buck nods.
Rick pours coffee – dialogue continues over action.
RICK: I have work in three minutes.
BUCK: You’re gonna be late.
RICK: What day is it?
BUCK: Saturday.
RICK: Oh. Right…forget her.
BUCK: I love her.
RICK: She beats you with objects.
BUCK: I know it.
RICK: She will kill you.
BUCK: I know it.
RICK: But you stay.
BUCK: I know it.
RICK: How long you moving in for?
BUCK: I don’t know…a week, maybe two, it was a lamp, Rick.
RICK: How long were you here for the ashtray?
BUCK: Three days. I remember exactly cause I was doing that lousy show you got me at the time.
RICK: Show some appreciation.
BUCK: I had to wear a cowboy outfit.
RICK: You’re an actor, aren’t you?
BUCK: But I’m a certain type. Even you said so.
RICK: I was hoping to drown myself in my pool today.
BUCK: We can save each other.
RICK: Pr’ck face didn’t take my guy.
BUCK: Even with a million less?
RICK: It’s to spite me.
BUCK: I’d really like to beat the sh’t out of him for you.
RICK: So would half of Hollywood.
BUCK: Sorry.
RICK: One door closes…
BUCK: Right.
Rick takes out a crackerjack box from cabinet and eats. Offers some to Buck who nods no.
BUCK: Can’t.
RICK: You could lose the weight.
BUCK: F’ck you, Rick.
RICK: (laughs)
BUCK: She really is the greatest woman that ever lived. Can you imagine what it’s like dealing with all my rottenness? Always broke, always grumpy. I’m too crass. Dress like a gangster but I can’t help it, I don’t look good in soft clothes. I’m a dark clothing kind of guy. It’s the reason she fell in love with me. I saved her from guys who don’t have hair on their balls. But, eh…what’s the use…I’m a mutt…went from hero to zero in her eyes…one year.
RICK: Been that long?
BUCK: (nods and claps his hands)
RICK: Been like two years, no?
BUCK: One year anniversary was just last week. The one you never showed up to.
RICK: Carlotta and I don’t get along. I wasn’t about to ruin your special day.
BUCK: But you’re my buddy. Couldn’t give a sh’t what she thinks.
RICK: But still.
BUCK: We had a good time. Got wasted and made love on the trampoline.
RICK: Spare me the details.
BUCK: What would you do?
RICK: What would I do, what?
BUCK: Would you change for someone you love, or would you leave?
RICK: You’re asking the wrong guy.
BUCK: Need your opinion.
RICK: But you already know my answer.
BUCK: …But I can’t walk away…she’s the only thing that keeps me going. I know when I finally have my breakthrough, I’m gonna walk on water with her. All my promises will be fulfilled.
RICK: I need some vitamin d. Going out on the float. Your room is exactly how you left it. Filthy. Maybe open a window to let the flies out.
BUCK: I don’t want to be alone.
RICK: I have a pounding headache.
BUCK: I could sit outside. I won’t talk.
RICK: Suit yourself.
Rick pours them both coffee.
BUCK: Thanks. (beat) Rick?
RICK: Ya. (hands coffee mug to Buck)
BUCK: I’m hurt.
RICK: That’s alright buddy. We’re all hurting over something. Some of us hide it better than others.
BUCK: Yeah, but, she wants a divorce.
RICK: You think?
BUCK: I’m serious.
RICK: So am I.
BUCK: I’ll die first before I give her a divorce.
RICK: You need to book work.
BUCK: …Yeah…yeah, I know.
RICK: You need to…hey listen, I do have something out in Italy…they’re shooting —
BUCK: No westerns Rick, please.
RICK: It pays good money.
BUCK: I hate westerns.
RICK: You see, that’s your problem.
To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:
In the one act eplay Buck’s Last Straw, Buck shows up at Rick’s house bruised by his wife and confused about his marriage and career. 2 Men. Serio-comedy.