You’re too stupid to go to Naples
Lex and Ray need money like it’s going out of style in this serio-comedy scene from the one-act eplay The Woebegone.
Featured Scene – The Woebegone
LEX: When did this a##hole say he was gonna be here?
RAY: You asked me that stupid question three times already.
LEX: I’m roasting! You couldn’t pick a shady spot to meet him?
RAY: Ahhh God, stop working me up, always gotta work me up. You’re not the only moron out here baking in the sun, alright?
LEX: Doesn’t help! I feel like I’m getting bubbles under my forearms.
RAY: Bubbles? What bubbles?
LEX: Look! (showing her arms) Doesn’t the skin look weird, like it’s flaring up?
RAY: It looks red.
LEX: It once happened when I was fifteen years old in Naples, fell asleep on the beach at night with my friend Crissie, woke up the next day completely sunburnt, blisters all over my body.
RAY: Naples? When were you ever in Naples?
LEX: Went on holiday with Crissie and her family.
RAY: Get the f’k outta here with that.
LEX: What?
RAY: You ain’t ever left Queens your whole life.
LEX: You’re an @%%hole.
RAY: Naples —
LEX: I been to Naples!
RAY: Where in Naples you been?
LEX: Naples, I don’t know.
RAY: And what does Naples look like?
LEX: Lots of buildings and museums and beaches.
RAY: There’s buildings, museums and beaches everywhere. Give me something specific.
LEX: When we first arrived in Naples, we walked along the perimeter of the shoreline, the ocean was an aqua green color, I never saw the ocean look so friendly before and when we jumped into that emerald abyss I instantly felt like I was cleansed spiritually, all of a sudden I felt this lightness come over me…later, we went through town and walked along a cobblestone street, it was so narrow that we had to step to the side in order to let the cars go by. Eventually we reached a tiny church and inside was a painting made by Leonardo Da Vinci and after that we had spumoni ice cream, bought a bunch of beers and got smashed on the beach as we watched the sunset. It was one of the most magical moments of my life.
RAY: And when did you get sunburnt?
LEX: The following morning.
RAY: Alright, alright, you were in Naples, good for you.
LEX: Yes, I was.
RAY: I’d like to go to Naples.
LEX: You’re too stupid to go to Naples.
RAY: How does being stupid have anything to do with going to Naples?
LEX: Because you’re too stupid to not be smart enough to make enough money to visit Naples.
RAY: You depress me.
(beat)
LEX: Just stating the facts.
- To read the full ePlay The Woebegone, find purchase button below:
Scene Summary
In this one-act ePlay, Lex and Ray wait at the beach in the blistering heat because they are desperate to sell camera lenses to a stranger for money.
- Genre: Drama
- Length: ~5 minute scene
- Characters: 1 woman, 1 man
- Themes: dating
- Best For: serio-comedic scenes
FAQ
A: Monologue Blogger has a section of their site dedicated to serio-comedy scripts found here: Serio-Comedy Scenes
A: Monologue Blogger has a scene from a play script called The Woebegone wherein a couple is trying to sell camera lenses in order to make money to survive.
Related Serio-Comedic Scenes
- No flowers, not even a card. – from Milton’s Plight
- What do you do for a living? – from Over the Moon
- Can I confess something to you? – from Waking Hours
- What story is it now? Aliens from outer space? – from You Wouldn’t Believe Ralphy
- Old Bobby invited me in for a meal the other night. – from Beer and Bobby’s Lasagna
Scene Source: The Woebegone
The Woebegone is a serio-comedic play script by Joseph Arnone, 2026.
