Would you all like to know what it was I was thinking?

A tragicomedy scene from one-act eplay, “The East End Room” wherein Hendrick doesn’t receive love from the family who has adopted him.

GRANNY: I was thinking to myself earlier today. By my lonesome. Would you all like to know what it was I was thinking?

GASPAR: Go on, mother.

GRANNY: I was thinking what a bunch of imbeciles you all are. Each in your own clever way.

GASPAR (smiles): How ghastly.

GRANNY: It’s true! I look around this table and I am often surprised at how pitiful you all are.

TAMMY: I’m not an imbecile, granny!

GASPAR (to TAMMY): What are you this week?

TAMMY: A fairy!

GASPAR (as if to a four year old): Of course you are!

GRANNY (to TAMMY): Imbecile! At your age I’d already visited half the world! You still get lost getting out of bed!

TAMMY: That’s not true.

GRANNY: Imbecile!

HENDRICK: What about me, granny?

GRANNY: Who’s talking?

HENDRICK (holding up hand): Me.

GRANNY (shrewdly): You’re adopted.


GRANNY You don’t count.

HENDRICK: I’m your grandson.

GRANNY: Adopted! Adopted grandson, not by blood.

WILLIAM: Granny, that isn’t fair.

GRANNY: Fair? Who said I need to be fair?

WILLIAM: Hendrick is no less your grandson than I am.

GRANNY: You are a blood relation, he, one could say, is an imposter.

HENDRICK: How dare you?

GRANNY (to WILLIAM and indirectly to HENDRICK): That means that our bloodline does not include him. His bloodline has roots dating back to God knows what and where; our bloodline is different. We know our ancestors, what they did, and who they conquered. Our bloodline consists of top stock. We’ve rode into battle, put our lives on the line, inherited great lands by way of earning them. We’ve fought side by side with kings! Our name has been buried beside royalty…

GASPER: That is true.

HENDRICK (leaning in) (to WILLIAM): Can’t wait for the old crow to die.

GRANNY (cutting): I will never die! I will outlive you all! I will outlive you imbeciles who’ll never know what a hard day of work feels like. You will remain a poor investment.

HENDRICK: I am not an investment!

GRANNY: I said poor, poor investment.

  • To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

The East End Room by Joseph ArnoneIn the one-act eplay, “The East End Room” Hendrick’s is under fire by his family when he is made to feel that his passion for creating art does not matter.  3 Women, 4 Men.  Comedy.  Family Tragi-comedy.

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Joseph Arnone