Why in the world did you invite her here?

Seriocomedy scene from one-act eplay, “Dancing With Elephants” wherein Doug tries to get his wife a publishing deal for her book.

Doug talks through the bathroom door.

DOUG: Ellen…Ellen, please, open the door.

ELLEN: I’m not coming out.

DOUG: Ellen, it’s a great opportunity.

ELLEN: I am not going to meet that b’tch.

DOUG: But she can help you, Elle.

ELLEN: I want no help from that b’tch.

DOUG: Will you refrain from calling her that?

ELLEN: (opens door) Why in the world did you invite her here?

DOUG: We’re throwing a party! I was of the opinion that it wouldn’t cause any detriment.

ELLEN: You already know how I feel about her.

DOUG: But this is business, Elle.

ELLEN: I’d rather dance with elephants!

DOUG: My goodness. All you have to do is talk, and you have a remarkable time with words! Give her the full scoop on your book, peak her interest, and she’ll extend a helping hand.

ELLEN: She’s filthy.

DOUG: What?

ELLEN: Soaked in gunk.

DOUG: Do you want a book deal, or not?

ELLEN: Not with her.

DOUG: (sighs) I’m doing the best I can for you. Publishing is not in my wheelhouse, Elle.

ELLEN: Doesn’t Rupert fit into the equation?

DOUG: Oh, poor Rupert.

ELLEN: He’s still committed to publishing.

DOUG: Rupert has never published, he has represented. A first class literary manager.

ELLEN: He obviously knows people.

DOUG: Rupert knows everyone.

ELLEN: Ask him.

DOUG: Rupert is no longer with us.

ELLEN: …He died?

  • To read the full one-act ePlay, find purchase link below:

Dancing With Elephants by Joseph Arnone 4

In the one-act eplay, “Dancing With Elephants”, Doug tries to help Ellen get her book published, but the way things turn out isn’t what anyone could have imagined.  Comedy.  2 Women, 2 Men.

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Joseph Arnone