He never made me feel bad about myself, and I have a ton of nonsense to feel bad about.

Serio-comedy scene from play No Harm No Foul, about two friends mourning the loss of a friend and not sure why no one else is at the wake.

Featured Scene – No Harm No Foul

CUDDY: How come we the only ones here?

DEAN: Beats me.

CUDDY: I mean, nobody else showing up?

DEAN: We probably his only two friends.

CUDDY: What about the locals?

DEAN: Like who?

CUDDY: Mitch.

DEAN: Hardware Mitch?

CUDDY: Why ain’t he here?

DEAN: Maybe he don’t give that much a damn.

CUDDY: Willa, Willa from Jack’s Diner, how come she ain’t here? He always used to make her laugh out loud. I even thought they had a thing for one another…how come she ain’t here?

DEAN: Why don’t ya go and ask her?

CUDDY: I aim to. Ain’t right. I can rattle off at least another four or five people that Billy was friendly with who should have stopped over to pay their respects. Take five minutes. Makes me wonder what’s even real among people. You know, you make someone smile, you do a favor for someone; just being an all-around decent person to others, heck, there should be swarms of people visiting Billy, saying goodbye, if not for him then at least for themselves, so they can feel good about themselves. More I think about it, more I’m ticked off. What about Eli? Eli should definitely be here front and center. ‘Member that time Billy lent Eli four hundred dollars?

Never paid it back, and Billy never mentioned it once and never treated old Eli sour whenever he crossed paths with ’em. Billy was always good that way, never made any of us feel inferior to ’em, even though we all seemed to owe him in some way or other. He never made me feel bad about myself, and I have a ton of nonsense to feel bad about, but Billy always kept me on some higher level I never deserved to be on. Don’t even know why he chose me to be his friend, he could have been friends with anybody, but he chose me, and you. He chose us, Dean, a man as good as him and we are the only ones sittin’ here for ’em.

DEAN: Them words were nice, Cud.

CUDDY: True words.

DEAN: I know it.

CUDDY: Yea…

DEAN: …You ah, you wanna go up to the rhine and pop off a few caps?

CUDDY: Once they close up the place…ain’t the priest supposed to come in and say a few words?

DEAN: He ought to have been here by now.

CUDDY: Where in the hell is everybody?!

DEAN: Take it easy friend. Don’t go gettin’ angry at a priest.

CUDDY: Even the priest ain’t here, Dean. Just the whole damn thing stinks. (looking at clock on wall) It’s half past eight. Priest should a been here for eight.

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Scene Summary

In the one-act eplay No Harm No Foul, Cuddy and Dean are the only two people who showed up to mourn their best friend Billy at the local funeral parlor.

• Genre: Serio-Comedy
• Length: ~5 minute scene
• Characters: 2 men
• Themes: friendship
• Best For: Serio-Comedy Scenes

FAQ

Related Serio-Comedy Scenes

• What do you do for a living? – from Over the Moon 
• Can I confess something to you? – from Waking Hours
• Don’t you wanna take down scores with me? – from Weight in Gold
• Everything is too damn perfect. – from Blue Skies, Golden Sunshine
• What story is it now? Aliens from outer space? – from You Wouldn’t Believe Ralphy

Scene Source: No Harm No Foul

No Harm No Foul is a serio-comedy play script by Joseph Arnone, 2026.