Patsy Fumbles
In comedy script Patsy Fumbles, Patsy finds himself searching high and low for his oatmeal cookies, while his Grandson plays in the yard.
Featured Script – Patsy Fumbles
FADE IN.
INT. PATSY AND FRANNIE’S HOME – EARLY MORNING
PATSY fumbles through his cabinets and grabs an oatmeal cookie container.
PATSY (TO HIMSELF): Feels a little light…I just bought ’em. (he pulls tray out of bag) You gotta be kiddin’ me. Fat bastr’d strikes again. (inspecting) He ate all of ’em. Not one left in the tray. Not one. I just bought ’em. Where is he, where is he that little—
Patsy looks out kitchen window. He sees his Grandson RAY
RAY playing baseball.
Patsy opens the glass sliding door.
INT./EXT. CUTS BETWEEN PATSY AND RAY RAY
PATSY: What are you doin?
RAY RAY: I’m practicing my swing, like you showed me, Grandpa.
PATSY: What happened to my oatmeal cookies?
RAY RAY: I ate some.
PATSY: Ate some? You ate the entire container of cookies, Ray Ray.
RAY RAY: I had a lot of ’em.
PATSY: I just bought ’em last night.
RAY RAY: I had a midnight snack.
PATSY: Are you kidding me? You’re fifteen years old.
RAY RAY: So?
PATSY: How can you have an appetite like that?
RAY RAY: Like what?
PATSY: HOW can you eat twenty-four cookies in one sitting?
RAY RAY: I was hungry.
PATSY: Hungry? That’s an invasion.
RAY RAY: Invasion?
PATSY: What am I gonna do with you?
RAY RAY: I put it back in the cabinet.
PATSY: You’re adding insult to injury.
RAY RAY: What does that mean?
PATSY: It means you have no guilty-conscience. Hey, I don’t mind you eating a few of my oatmeal cookies, alright? Hell, even half the tray even is borderline considerate, but you didn’t leave me one cookie. Not-a-ONE.
RAY RAY: Grandma said I can have anything I want, so…you know.
PATSY: Grandma said.
RAY RAY: Grandma said that her house is my house.
PATSY: Is that what she said?
RAY RAY: Grandma said I can drink or eat all that I want.
PATSY: Stop blaming Grandma.
RAY RAY: That’s what she said–
PATSY: I know that’s what she said. I get it. Make believe Grandma also said to think about Grandpa, cause Grandpa gets hungry, too. (beat) Come to think of it…What happened to my raspberry pie the other day? Did you eat that too?
RAY RAY: It was delicious.
PATSY: Leave some food for other living human beings.
RAY RAY: Okay. Wanna play baseball with me?
PATSY: Not now, okay?
RAY RAY: You promised.
PATSY: I have to put something in my stomach first. Oatmeal cookies would have been nice.
RAY RAY: I didn’t know.
PATSY: Right. You didn’t know. Your stomach knows. And your stomach should have spoken up and said, “Hmmm, maybe Grandpa or Grandma would like to try these delicious yummy cookies. Maybe I shouldn’t eat all three hundred and fifty nine of them.” What about that?
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Script Summary
In the short comedy script Patsy Fumbles, Patsy is upset with his Grandson Ray Ray for eating all of his oatmeal cookies.
- Genre: Comedy
- Length: ~10 Minutes
- Script Characters: 1 woman, 2 men
- Age Range: Any
- Themes: family
- Best For: comedy scripts
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Script Source: Patsy Fumbles
Patsy Fumbles is a comedy script by Joseph Arnone, 2026.
