21 Funny As Hell Monologues for Women

21 Funny As Hell Monologues for Women brings a bundle of free comedic monologues for an actress in need of fresh audition material.

Looking for even more outrageously funny female comedy monologues? Explore our Female Comedy Monologues Category for all the material you need.

What are some types of comedy monologues?

Comedic monologues cover a large scope of different styles. Having an understanding of such various forms of comedy will help you find monologue audition material that best suits your creative needs.

Here are a few different approaches to comedy monologues to consider:

• Dark Comedy: Dark comedy comes into play when a character in a monologue could be experiencing a dramatic realization, but the tonality uses an amusement that highlights the subject in a hilarious way.
• Slapstick: Slapstick is a form of physical comedy that relies on exaggeration. Masters of this form who quickly come to mind are Buster Keaton, Charles Chaplin, Lucille Ball, and Jim Carrey. There may be violent physical situations, such as pratfalls, or collisions, that are designed to provide much laughter.
• Absurdist: Absurdism is a literary concept that expresses the profound meaningless of life. It often showcases irrationality, or nonsensical circumstances.  Brilliant writers such as Samuel Beckett, Harold Pinter, and Edward Albee come to mind.
• Satire: Satire is a form of humor critique that uses irony and exposes the flaws, or shortcomings of individuals, or society.

Monologues covering topics on dating, hygiene, friendship and boredom.  If you like our content, please don’t forget to share with others.

Dog Anxiety

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Zara
• Length: 1-2 -minute monologue
• Description: Zara stops by her neighbors apartment to seek help with watching her friend’s crazy little dog.
• Excerpt: “She asks me to watch her puppy, Oscar. I say sure, I mean, how bad could it be to watch an innocent, harmless, cute little puppy? Right? Right? WRONG! It was a nightmare if there ever was one. Look at me! Do you see the bags under my eyes? I look like I went twelve rounds with Muhammad Ali. I look horrible!” [Read full monologue]

Darling Face

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Beverly
• Length: 2-minute monologue
• Description: Beverly is trapped inside her new married life and suburban home and needs an escape plan.
• Excerpt: “To think that I actually thought I could figure out how to start your truck again, I opened up the hood and peered all the way in but guess what happened next…wanna guess?  (beat)  A bear decided to greet me with its presence.  Yep.  A bear.  I’m not talking some cute little fuzzy wuzzy come pet me bear.  I’m talking a ten foot panting I’m gonna bite your head off bear.” [Read full monologue]

Phone Calls

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Meagan
• Length: 2-minute monologue
• Description: Meagan is confused as to why men play games when it comes to making the first phone call.
• Excerpt: “I’m certainly not going to wait around all damn day for HIS call.  I met Frank like three days ago, yeah, it was Saturday night.  He hasn’t called me.  We text messaged each other for like half a day but he still hasn’t called me to make plans of any kind.  What is wrong with him?” [Read full monologue]

No Choice

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Wilma
• Length: 1-minute monologue
• Description: Wilma leads a basic and boring life and needs a significant change.
• Excerpt: “My friend tells me I should seek adventure. I tell my friend that there is nothing adventurous to seek. I work in the mail department. I do the mail. Meet all kinds of personalities, and I’m immune to happy people, stressed people, and idiot people.” [Read full monologue]

Rather Be A Man

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Kim
• Length: 1-minute monologue
• Description: Two best friends discussing how men can be lame when flirting.
• Excerpt: “What does a girl have to do these days? Maybe if I just vomited on myself, the guy would walk the other way, but I bet even then, I’d get, “The way you vomited on yourself is just so, so delightful.”” [Read full monologue]

Fungus Among Us

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Alexa
• Length: 1-minute monologue
• Description: Alexa has reached her peak of tolerance with her roommate regarding how sloppy she is as a person.
• Excerpt: “Are you waiting for it to get up and walk itself out of the refrigerator? Are you? Really?  Am I the only one responsible enough to take a minute out of my day and clean up once and awhile?” [Read full monologue]

Ready, Aim, AIM

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Rose
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Rose is pissed that her boyfriend doesn’t aim properly when urinating in the toilet bowl.
• Excerpt: “Cause everytime I go into the bathroom lately, I find piss all over the floor in drips and drabs. I’m constantly cleaning up your little pee pee puddles. So, you can imagine WHY I am asking you this question cause if you were cleaning MY pee pee puddles, you probably would fly off the handle, mad at me.” [Read full monologue]

Over The Moon

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Lucia
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: What happens when two people go out on a first date, but happen to be from different time periods in history?
• Excerpt: “I find that scary. I sound like a real tulip, don’t I? They do talk, you know…flowers, all we have to do is listen. I pay attention to things like that. I had this mother once who used to try and take care of plants but they would always die on her after a time.” [Read full monologue]

Good Company

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Loretta
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Loretta admits to her daughter that she’s been crushing on a waiter that works near her home at a restaurant she frequents.
• Excerpt: “Quite. He’s tall, broad shoulders, looks like he could take down a bus, he’s built like a brick house too this man but gentle, soft, it’s in his eyes, they light up when he looks at me and I feel as though we’ve already known one another, strange but inviting, so inviting” [Read full monologue]

Nobody Cares

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Maggie
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Maggie is an overbearing sales representative at a retail shop that won’t allow a customer to leave without buying something.
• Excerpt: “ou got ’em! And I have a coat you have to try on that will accentuate this whole slam bam shiggity damn thing you got going on here. You have got to try THIS.” [Read full monologue]

Pizza From Carlos

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Corky
• Length: 1-2 – minute monologue
• Description: Corky plops herself on the couch of two strangers and goes on a rant about her problems.
• Excerpt: “There’s that image I have that burns in my brain. It will be with me forever. The look I was given…her eyes…there is nothing worse than that look she gave me…nothing worse…” [Read full monologue]

Catching Summer

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Pam
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Pam is fed up that her boyfriend isn’t capable of facing his fears head on.
• Excerpt: “Gonna spend your life being afraid of turtles, all on account of one measly bite. So, what? Toughen up. It’s only a turtle, TEDDY! WIMP! I was bit by a dog, a snake, even a coyote. I’m still here. My grandaddy used to let me climb trees till I fell, and when I fell, he’d hoist me back up on a branch and tell me to “Go at it again, Pammy.” And I did..with relish. Like a bona fide savage and I loved it. Hmm.” [Read full monologue]

Can’t Wait Till Tomorrow

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Kyra
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: In order for Kyra to take a relationship seriously she needs to see ‘progress’ from the man who cares about her.
• Excerpt: “You charm your way through unkept promises ’cause you’re pure-faced, handsome, childlike, and very, oh, what’s the word, CONVINCING. Ah! You know how to make me believe in you with all this outside stuff going on, but what’s inside Frank? Mmm? What lives in there? What else do you have up your sleeve for me? What can you hurt me with now?” [Read full monologue]

The Accusal

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Elly
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Elly’s porridge supposedly has killed one of her best friends after they ate it.
• Excerpt: “Death? What death? I only meant to make a righteous meal. It was never meant for Ned…it was never meant to do anyone any harm.” [Read full monologue]

Lost In Thought

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Edna
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Edna tries to explain to her neighbor how she witnessed her turning into stone.
• Excerpt: “At first, I figured you were just doing yard work, but your behavior seemed unusual to me…you…weren’t active. The hose you were holding was pouring over you and so, I thought perhaps you were only cooling yourself off, but, you remained..unflinching.” [Read full monologue]

Tiger’s Claw

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Jackie
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Jackie sets the record straight on how she goes about conducting business.
• Excerpt: “Picked me up some good items along the way, enough to survive, but now Saul here tells me that ya’ll wanna put me on some kind of salary, help you find some treasure…” [Read full monologue]

Searching For Bubbles

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Margot
• Length: 1-2- minute monologue
• Description: Margot teases her boyfriend over how he believes his body has changed over the years.
• Excerpt: “Because Matthew dear, you never had an ass worth saving. The cold, hard-hitting truth is that you come from a long line of assless men, each having good height, broad shoulders, thick hands but lack of ass. There have been times, I must confess, where I have reached out for it during the middle of the night and there was absolutely nothing to hold on to.” [Read full monologue]

Asking Price

• Genre: Comedy
• Characters: Pamela
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Pamela is worried that she and her husband have been kicked out of society and the only way to get back in it is to sell their beloved home.
• Excerpt: “Why did you make such a bomb? It was bigger than a bomb. It was an asteroid that collided with Hollywood and destroyed every producer roaming the place. They won’t touch you; because of that post-apocalyptic sci-fi extravaganza. Youuu can’t get arrested, even if you turned yourself in, which you should, for all the damage you’ve caused us. ” [Read full monologue]

Hullabaloo

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Maggie
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Maggies is uncertain as to whether or not she should send her troubled teenage son to a different type of school.
• Excerpt: “I heard frightening tales about that academy. Heard they pin you down in a chair like that movie A Clockwork Orange and they zap you with electrical experiments and alter your mind and it changes you, not necessarily for the better, what if it makes you worse, heard there’s all sorts of vanishings going on, young men going to the academy and half of them never coming home, they vanish.” [Read full monologue]

Kick In The Pants

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Rose
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Rose defends herself against a frequent customers who wishes to take her out.
• Excerpt: “The way you read your newspaper, for instance. So intense, it’s too intense. The way you tune everyone else out, entirely. The way you get up to go to the bathroom even, or to get into your car. There’s a heaviness in you, Marv. You bring the whole world down with you. The way you move, it’s just so damn heaaaavy.” [Read full monologue]

Shoe Shine Diner

• Genre: Comedy
• Character: Betsy
• Length: 1- minute monologue
• Description: Betsy is worried that a newcomer at her job is going to take her place.
• Excerpt: “I don’t like how it sounds…sounds, sounds complicated. I like things steady, not all over the place like a yo-yo. I need consistency or I get confused. And she confuses me. She talks too fast, she’s too quick, makes me nervous and now you want her to stay here, work here, every day?” [Read full monologue]

Using Comedy Monologues from Published Plays

Comedy monologues can be an enjoying and fun training ground for an actress looking to stretch her wings and try new forms of expression.

Looking for More Female Comedy Monologues?

If you’d like to explore more dramatic, comedic, or audition-ready pieces, visit our Main Monologue Hub for a full collection organized by tone, age, and genre.